The Imitation Game in a Marriage

 

Imitation is the most vital factor for the survival of any live organism on earth. If any living thing existed anywhere else in the universe, they would also be dependent on imitation for their survival. Man, animal, bird, fish, insect, micro-organisms all survive because we copy. (Think of Tarzan) I am not a science buff but that much I’m sure of. The fact that we stand on our two legs, pick with our hands or lie down to sleep all started with imitations.

Our whole being and every behavior is an imitation of somebody or something. We just seem different because of the geography we live in. We behave and adapt ourselves to the different environments we are put in. A person who lives in the desert cannot think and behave in the same way a tropical forest person does. Yet whenever their paths cross, they will find interest in each other and learn to exchange traits.

Coming to more familiar grounds, the imitation game is played most brutally in a relationship. I think the biggest challenge in a marriage or a couple relationship is preserving and maintaining our individuality. When we spend so much time together, it is natural that in some ways we start mimicking each other. I guess it is impossible not to turn into our partners to some extent. It happens without our realization. We might even start talking with the same intonation. It may seem ‘cute’ and ‘made for each other’ but it is a terrible mistake.

My husband and I are total opposites and there are very few things we share interests in. We both agree that it was our differences that made us interested in each other initially. As time passed we got more intrigued and attracted until we realized that we wouldn’t mind at all spending our lives together. Honestly, neither of us are people who would budge but so far, we have been trying to compromise wherever we can. Being the bigger or even biggest bullhead, I have my ways more than he does but I am ‘working’ on it.

I don’t want a husband who is my copy and he doesn’t want a wife who is his copy. Early into my marriage, a cousin ridiculously pointed out that my husband and I looked alike. The most repulsive thing ever said to me. Another friend asked why we always wear matching clothes and shocked me. Since then we have been extra careful to check what color the other is wearing before we go out. These comments made me more determined and vigilant about being myself.

In my opinion, we need to really put extra effort so that we don’t forget our unique selves and become lost in being somebody else. It is difficult for me to believe that a relationship attains its full bloom when the partners start ‘twinning’. Actually, I believe that it is a huge waste of time to try to change each other. Instead, trying to learn to compromise is a far better way of making a relationship more bearable. Since Perfection is just an idea. If we really wanted to be with somebody exactly like us then we would all marry our own selves.

A huge chunk of the reason why we were attracted to our partners in the first place and why we probably love them erodes and sinks when we start ‘acting’ like each other. We wish a million times for our partners to think like we do, to be interested in the same things and to want things that we want but how dull life would be if these wishes come true. It is hard to imagine anything appealing and exciting in a relationship where every conversation is in agreement. Sometimes, we feel that it is easier to just submit and try to become what our partners want us to become but that’s surrendering, giving-up on ourselves and our marriages.

Compromising doesn’t mean giving in or giving up. It is just a balancing act for our betterment. The challenge of not imitating my husband will remain forever and it will be the same for him too. But for as long as we are at least trying to be who we are and not yield or force each other to change, we know that we are still putting some effort to our relationship. We need to stay different to amaze, arouse, inspire and kindle each other. That to me is a promising marriage.

Zenei

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