What I Do? Nothing

“The chief beauty about time
is that you cannot waste it in advance.
The next year, the next day, the next hour are lying ready for you,
as perfect, as unspoiled,
as if you had never wasted or misapplied
a single moment in all your life.
You can turn over a new leaf every hour
if you choose.”―Arnold Bennet

Whenever I used to read anything about time, I immediately presumed that it was about taking action, to get up and do something worthwhile with my life as if nothing I had done so far had any weight. I felt that way for many years because I had not learned to appreciate my life.

I wake up in the morning at my own sweet time mostly after 10, I easily spend an hour reading the newspaper over two cups of coffee, and I stare at the sky and get lost looking at the birds on the balcony. I clean and I cook but I can always choose when not to. This is a usual day for me and I used to think that I was wasting my time. Many will say that I am definitely wasting time but I’ll say “let me enjoy the moment for as long as I can.” Who knows what I might have to do tomorrow.

My mom will probably suffer the biggest shock if she sees me in this form. She will chide me for sure for ‘wasting’ my time doing nothing, ‘wasting’ the degrees I worked so hard to earn, ‘wasting’ the knowledge I gained. I used to think like her and feel ashamed to be enjoying such peace and calmness while others have to go to offices.

Some days back I told Sunny, my husband, that I’ll soon be turning 33 and I am still yet to decide what I want to do with my life. He opened my eyes with a very simple answer. He said that I was very lucky and that he envied me. I just needed to hear that to realize that I wasn’t doing anything wrong by sitting at home, that I needn’t feel guilty about my lifestyle and that I was blessed. I now realize that I had wasted all these years thinking that I was doing nothing.

I seem to be loving my life more now knowing that I chose this for now.

“You can turn over a new leaf every hour
if you choose.”

Zenei

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