It is no secret that I would be a total loner if my handful of friends didn’t understand my character and minded my ‘friendly’ acts. My social skills lack vigour and I fail miserably at showing affection. I had not been any different when I was younger or wherever I had been. Like everyone, I met many people and made many friends but I lost most of them because I didn’t make the effort to keep the friendship. It’s not an intentional action and as far as I remember I have never had a fall-out with anybody. It has always been me just being myself.
I met some new people some days back and I know we had mutual adoration for each other and it would be great to meet them again, but would we? This made me wonder why my friendships fizzle out so quickly and I realise that I’m too cold. It is not that I’m uninterested in my friends, I simply don’t have the enquiry skills. I don’t think I ever go beyond “How are you?” and it takes more questions to seal a friendship. Asking moderate amount of questions convey to others that we care and anybody would surely want to be around those who care. So, will I try to learn to ask more questions? I most probably will not.
Asking questions isn’t enough, we also need to satisfy the other person’s curiosity about us and my replies are always blunt. I guess it can be frightful to be around me. In my total defence, I think it’s best to be oneself if you mean to make true friends. And anyway, just because I don’t feel the need to ask personal questions doesn’t mean that I won’t listen when they decide to tell me. I’m not bragging but I am the pretty good listener. Apart from listening, I am very clumsy with everything else that are supposed to help me keep my friends.
I see people keeping up to date with every event in their friends’ lives and I wonder how they manage to do that. Forget about meeting, I rarely even speak to anybody. Life without a cell phone is almost unrealistic in this age but I really dislike having telephonic conversations. I make not more than 10 calls in a week and receive just about the same. And all those calls are from family, Mothers and Husband to be specific. By looking at these figures anybody can start making assumptions about me and my social life but I honestly hate talking on the phone. I can’t seem to find anything to say to the person on the other end and I always feel drained after I hang up. If it wasn’t necessary, I will choose not to have a cell phone.
I always think that I would have more friends or correspondents if the telephone hadn’t been invented. I love to write letters and I would have written to so many people. It’s of course a different matter whether they would reply. But I guess even without a telephone, I wouldn’t be writing to a friend daily or even regularly and yet those who are meant to be my true friends will still be there waiting for me. I value their presence in my life but I am guilty of not making efforts to reach out to them on a regular basis. But are we real friends only if we are constantly in touch? If so then I wouldn’t have anybody to call my friends.
We may not have spoken for weeks, months or years but in my heart, I know they think of me and that they understand. We don’t need to be inquisitive about each other’s lives, we will anyway spill them all out. And when we meet, we pick up from where we left and I feel so loved. God bless them, I can say I have friends and I know they are my true friends.
All that doesn’t mean that I don’t need to make new friends because no number of friends is enough. The more the merrier, isn’t it? As for my poor social skills, there is always room for improvements but I don’t need to think too hard about making new friends. It is more important for me to focus on those who are already here. It is my responsibility to keep reminding them that they are “my precious” and that I want them to stay in my life. I just need to find more ways to convey my message.